How do you fix that?

I have been having a really bad go of it lately. I literally had an anxiety attack in my sleep last night. I don't know what to do now. Where to go from here. How to make things make sense again.

I had too much to think again.

Gorky is like this reminder that I'm not who I thought I'd be. And isn't that sad? He started it all. The crying that is. This despondency has been building for awhile. I didn't do my homework this weekend. Just flat out didn't do it. Slept all day Saturday, worked for a bit, busy work, that evening. And today was just a loss. A complete and utter loss.

I can't believe how bad I can get sometimes. An anxiety attack in my sleep!! Seriously?? Then I had another one this afternoon. Curled up on the floor for a bit until it passed.

I wish life weren't so busy. That I had time for a breather that doesn't demand so many consequences. I'm not suicidal right now but the idea of saying that I am just so I can be committed sounds nice. Not that I would do that. Far too expensive. There are better ways to take a vacation. I suppose. I can't think of any at the moment, but I'm sure there are.

I'm falling apart and somehow, this time, it is not gradual. I feel like something has ripped open inside me, leaving me less than whole. And how do you fix that?

I need a life doctor.

One I'd listen to.

I see my therapist in two weeks and I'm wondering if maybe I should bump that up a notch and see if she has anything for next week. Silly though, what difference will one week make?

I want a way to feel like me again. Can you figure out how to make that happen?

I can't.