Troubled

I'm listening to Norah Jones and feeling soothed and haunted at the same time. Wistful is a state of mind.

I should be asleep, but there's too much in my head. Things I've been trying to avoid all day. Like where to live, what relationships are important to me, and career choices. All decisions that require my attention. Too much in my head right now to sleep.

I feel a bit insightful. I had an epiphany tonight. I'm thinking that because my life is so topsy-turvy right now and not in a good way, that I'm focusing on someone that perhaps I should not be focusing on. Love is funny. And I'm not good at it, as in I ruin good things. But it makes sense to me that I might be missing and thinking I love someone because I need something good in my life. And that hurts a little, to think that I've ruined that love already by believing it to be false. If only there were a way to tell.

My family was over today for Easter and I had some melancholy moments. Family does that to me, I don't know why. Plus, I had very little me time this weekend. I require a bit of recuperation on the weekends, a recharging of spirit or energy I suppose, and I didn't get it this weekend.

I'm covering someone else's shift as well as my normal hours tomorrow...well, today, and I'm going to be doing it on less than five hours of sleep. Trouble.

If only I could figure out all this stuff in my head, maybe I could rid myself of this tension and sleep. Alas....